With my background, you wouldn’t really expect me to be a Royalist and until Tony Blair dragged us into an illegal war and unleashed a Pandora’s Box of terrorism I wasn’t.

Then I realised just how dangerous megalomaniac politicians can be and vowed that if we were ever to be drawn into another major war I’d want someone I could trust to tell me.

Frankly I could not think of anyone but the Queen that I would believe.

I certainly wouldn’t trust the word of any politician. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice… By any measuring stick, Her Maj has done a fantastic job with 66 years of unblemished service.

Given that the world’s press scrutinises her every action for mistakes, misjudgements and scandal it’s an amazing achievement.

So yes, if we are asked to send our sons and daughters into the killing fields again I want to hear it from directly from our Queen.

Now here’s where I can help her out. Do my bit for the Royal family so to speak.

I like Will and Kate, I really do, and I appreciate their popping out heirs like ping-pong balls.

It’s good to have continuity but George and Charlotte, great kids but not exactly 21st century names are they?

As I write this the odds-on favourite name for the new baby is Arthur.

Come on, that name’s been around since some mermaid stuck her arm out of the water waving a magic sword.

Excalibur is ancient history.

This is the era of Jay Z, North West, Harper7, Ant and Dec (on second thoughts…just make that Dec).

You can’t call your son Arthur if you want a modern monarchy.

Will likes to portray himself as a straight-up guy so let me offer him a piece of advice. Get down with the kidz innit otherwise you’ll be a has-been before you pass go.

Seriously, we’ve had all the Arthurs, Henrys and James’s we can handle.

They weren’t much fun were they?

A good night out with these guys could end up with your head on a spike. Not great.

It’s time for change. If you want a monarchy that embraces modern culture ditch the old traditional names and move on.

In case you’re struggling here are my selection of names: Snoop Dogg: (star of Death Row Records and a jolly nice chap) Tupac: (short and sweet – which he was) E.T. (Great name if you need to reverse charges when phoning home) Blanket: (Amazing how a simple name can sound so err…unnerving) Jermajesty: (Thought you’d like this one previously used by Jermaine Jackson) If I’m too late and you have already gone for the safe option you can always slip one of the above in after the christening.

By our columnist Vic Barlow